1) Baby Rental Service with special hormone band & designer baby products
- Member goes online and orders baby according to nationality and gender, then picks name, clothing & accessories, and prestyling
- Baby is delivered to the members door along with all necessary items such as gucci baby carrier and environmentally friendly baby bottle
- Gold hormone band (resembles Cartier Love bracelet) is placed on the baby’s wrist to prevent crying or defecation for up to 9 hours
- Baby origin fact book allows member to spout facts about the baby’s native country with ease
- Baby acts like perfect accessory without requiring actual care or attention
2) Debile- purse with 30 year waiting list; wearable certificate of authenticity
- Member already has expensive handbag or other recognizable designer item
- Sees someone else carrying a more expensive designer item and…
- Falls into a fit of despair and depression fill with self-loathing
- Calls Meilleur and orders the Debile, which is the most exclusive purse available because there is a 30 year waiting list and the handbag is redesigned every 5 years by the “in” designer, so member never sees purse until they receive it
- In meantime uses wearable certificate of authenticity with information and solar powered digital countdown until when the member will receive the purse.
- Has straps and a compartment on the back to store personal items such as wallet, keys, etc.
3) The Looksee- gold plated pin with LED display
- Member orders the Looksee online from Meilleur and signs up for a special Meilleur credit card
- Member goes shopping at designer stores and boutiques, making sure to purchase items with Meilleur card
- Card sends clothing price information to a chip in the Looksee so it can accurately display designer name and price
- LED lights flash and draw more attention to the pin so that others are sure to see what the member is wearing
- If member does not feel comfortable wearing designer and price, the pin may be programmed to display employee & salary, amount of money in trust fund, or parents’ income
4) The Instant Daddy Service-surrogate dad to take you shopping or to dinner
- Member finds out real parent(s) are busy and wants someone to take them shopping, out to dinner, etc.
- Goes online and orders surrogate daddy as per physical attributes and desired activity
- Surrogate meets member at a specified location and watches member shop
- To maintain authenticity, surrogate holds onto member’s Meilleur credit card and then pays like real parent
5) Mental Masturbation Helmet-to avoid the annoying coworkers
- Member is tired of being annoyed by coworkers who hang around at their cubicle
- Goes online and orders Mental Masturbation Helmet, mantras, and sidings such as gold, sterling, stainless steel, etc.
- Puts demi-helmet with massage rollers and noise canceling ear piece on to let others know not to disturb
- Bluetooth functionality sets massagers going when certain people call phone
6) Oniom-diet shopping pills to curb retail appetite
- Member goes to special Meilleur psychiatrists and gets diagnosed with Oniomania, or shopping addiction
- Doctor writes a prescription for special jewel encrusted pills and a pass to get into the secret Meilleur pharmacy
- Member goes to special location and shops for the various types of pills, and then carries them in a bracelet case
- Pills are extra large and hard to swallow, but meant to be taken in a very public place to confirm member coolness for needing to be medicated
Tarynne Goldenberg's Thesis Blog 